Mi sono sentito in qualche modo obbligato a pubblicare un post in uno dei sottotitoli irlandesi sull’epidemia di solitudine maschile e sul perché esiste per molti uomini e in particolare per gli eterosessuali. Il termine recessione dell’amicizia è stato coniato per tenere conto degli uomini che perdono amici intimi man mano che invecchiano. Gli uomini irlandesi hanno difficoltà a mantenere amicizie strette e questo è stato attribuito al fatto che non parliamo dei nostri sentimenti, del nostro stoicismo, dell’isolamento dal COVID e dello stigma sulla salute mentale. Gli uomini parlano dei loro sentimenti tra loro e posso dirtelo subito. Quando gli uomini parlano pubblicamente dei loro sentimenti, si vergognano e assumono un bel po’ di atteggiamenti antimaschili (in contrapposizione alla misandria).
Questo non vuol dire che siamo senza colpa in tutto questo. Gli uomini a volte cadono in questi gruppi con altri uomini (incel o altre persone mis0gine) e provano un falso senso di comunità. Digeriscono media misogini come Andrew Tate o Conor Mc Gregor. Allora come possiamo affrontare l’epidemia di solitudine maschile?
Creiamo spazi affinché gli uomini possano esprimersi affinché si sentano sicuri e protetti. Non insisterò troppo sulle cose che faccio, ma segnalerò invece il messaggio alle risorse. Ridere degli uomini a causa dell’odio percepito mascherato da solitudine non fa nulla per aiutare gli uomini che sono impantanati in questa cultura tossica della pillola rossa. La solitudine è un vero problema tra gli uomini, il suicidio maschile è 4 volte quello delle donne nella società irlandese.
Infine, cosa voglio ottenere qui, beh, uomini che sostengono altri uomini e si tengono conto a vicenda è un inizio, ma anche discussioni su come possiamo essere uomini migliori.
Risorse
I gruppi sottostanti sono spazi maschili positivi – vedi link
https://www.instagram.com/celbridge_boys_club/
https://grow.ie/mens-mental-health/
di Complex_Hunter35
17 commenti
Can we not use the word loneliness anymore, or whats going on in your post and using numbers where letters should be.
I’m a member of the blue balls midlands group and it’s full of men of all ages. Couldn’t have met a nicer bunch of fellas. There’s no misogyny or any of that shit talked about or tolerated in the group, it’s a really great place to meet up a few times a week, and it’s really encouraging men to open up about their feelings. There’s no link between blue balls and the red pill brigade
In my experience as a gay man, there is a problem in this country with men not knowing how to organise things. They don’t think to reach out to their friends, don’t think to do things for friends for their birthdays, don’t think to celebrate their friend’s accomplishments.
I’ve a big circle of friends of all sorts (lots of men, lots of women, more queer people than average, plenty of straight people, lots of Irish, lots of immigrants) and there are a few of us who organise almost everything. I quite like to organise things, but if I get busy with work or family it can take quite a while before someone steps up to the plate. That person is usually a woman.
Maybe all the men reading this are glittering social butterflies about to tell me that I’m wrong, but in my experience, girls get trained young on how to reach out to friends and keep up with people. Men don’t get that same training, they hang out via shared obligations like sports teams and clubs.
There are people in my life I have great craic with who just never message me. If I invite them somewhere or organise something, we have a great time. But my apartment is only so big, and to be honest when I’m organising a party and picking out the twelve people who are getting the invite, the people who reach out to me to organise a coffee or a cocktail or a climbing session or a chat are top of my list.
Those lads who struggle to make time or to take the effort can slip through the cracks. And to be honest, I consider myself pretty relaxed, but some of the other “organisers” in my group can take it VERY personally when a lad doesn’t respond to an invite or cancels last minute, and some guys can find themselves shit listed very quick.
Beyond male or female, straight or gay or whatever, the false wealth image and new greedy Ireland has created this image of a strange homogeneous Gaa supporting, upwardly mobile, enterprise career driven and ambition focused, extroverted, flash car and huge social scene, strong fit and mindful myth of modern Irish males.
It’s a falsehood and most folk will never hit that standard but it breeds a sense of shame and isolation for many who feel threatened by not ‘ticking all the boxes’ and although women’s right have rightfully improved, there can still be that expectation from wannabe trophy wives and families.
It’s a strange scenario we’re in but behind it, we’re all just human and feeling failure for not having the mythical perfect social friendships which seem to revolve around opportunity and access that’s afforded with wealth, network and a sense of community based on the same standing.
You disguise words with extra or alternative characters like ‘l0nliness, ment,al and su!cide but you missed two iterations of ‘loneliness’. Great job.
What is your experience with the groups mentioned in your post OP?
https://preview.redd.it/i0acg47fkalg1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50043ecfb82f21c04b23fc957841900c94182a85
As a 41-year-old man, I find myself friendless, mainly since COVID, as most of my ‘friends’ turned out to be just drinking buddies.
I joined Meetup but didn’t get to many events. And found most events i was free to attend centred around pubs where you can’t hear each other talk.
Friendship and having someone outside my family to talk to is something I really miss.
I suffer with horrendous loneliness I’m afraid . Thanks for the deets
Add to this that they generally turn to dating apps and get into situationships just for companionship
What’s with the zeroes? Your keyboard broken?
There’s certainly a loneliness epidemic. Whether there’s specifically a *male* loneliness epidemic I’m not so sure. I suspect that a lot of women are also lonely, and for largely the same reasons.
I’ve posted this comment before but just in case it helps anybody out.
You have to put yourself in positions to meet new people in similar situation or life stage as yourself.
One way to do it, and give you a lot of personal satisfaction, is to volunteer. Some of the best people you’ll ever meet are those who give of their time and energy for others, and it’s a superb way to make friends as an adult.
Consider the coast guard, mountain rescue, civil defence, order of Malta, army reserve, red cross etc large groups meet for regular challenging and fun training, with usually great social nights out too. Plus you develop new skills and experiences. Many of the best friends I have maintained as a grown up have come this way.
I’m utterly convinced this is the best possible answer for many people, and surprisingly accessible too.
Or get a motorbike, many lads I know will make the extra effort to organize meetups for bike spins and its life long for many.
I find there’s a lot of talk about this and a lot of lads selling books and podcasts on talking about their mental health, but when you actually go try find someone to help there’s not a whole lot out there.
I went to my GP for referral to a therapist and he wouldn’t recommend me one. So went and found one online and in session 2 she told me that “maybe this is just who you are”. So yeah didn’t go back.
The solution seems to be talk to “someone” but then if you ask any follow up questions like who that someone might be, you git a brick wall, iny my experience.
Is it anything new isolation has always kind of been an issue for men.
Being socialised to not express emotions made men more likely to commit suicide for decades
Mensheds exist because we knew loneliness was a problem decades ago
The modern discourse seems to be one of incels creating a self fulfilling cycle of isolating themselves. We need to separate that from genuine isolation.
Like I’m a married man in my 30s, it can be a lonely time because you’re not seeing friends as much as in your 20s and older male relatives are in the process of dying off so that guidance is gone, but I’ve nothing in common with the weirdos who seem to want to blame women for their isolation.
The more individualistic society gets the worse it’ll be I reckon, the long term solution is building community but the whole ‘there’s no such thing as society’ political ideology we live in makes that hard to do
Male 37 looking for new friend to meet up for a drink on Wednesday city center
You gotta get involved in things your interested in. I play hurling and coach a few of the underage teams, I box a few nights a week, go to the gym, like hiking and playing music, and I am part of a few environmental groups. Those are my interests and I meet plenty of people through these. I also have a hanfull of close friends I know a long time including my brother. I’m lucky to have them.
Discover what you really love to do and get involved with groups around those interests and you’ll meet plenty of people.