Vengo da una parte molto arretrata dell’Asia meridionale. È tra le società più separate di genere (pensa all’Afghanistan). Sono venuto qui per i miei studi e probabilmente rimarrò qui per lavoro.
Da quando sono qui, ho trascorso principalmente il tempo con i ragazzi solo della mia comunità. Un paio di mesi fa, ho smesso di uscire con loro e ho iniziato ad andare nei club sociali per fare amicizia tedesca e imparare la cultura e farne parte.
Ho deciso di abbandonare completamente la mia cultura (da quando sono diventato ateo). Una cosa che trovo abbastanza difficile nel navigare nel cerchio sociale è che dovrei offrire una stretta di mano alle donne? Nella nostra cultura, è generalmente considerato scortese farlo. Mio padre mi ha insegnato che non avrei dovuto offrire una stretta di mano alle donne a meno che non prendano il comando.
Mentre al lavoro quando incontro qualcuno per la prima volta, offro prima una stretta di mano, ma non so se è consentito/o male farlo in ambito sociale al di fuori del lavoro.
Spesso mi imbatto in questa strana situazione in cui stringo la mano con gli uomini e solo l’onda a mano alle donne, e mi sento strano e sbagliato.
L’ho già letto nel wiki, ma voglio essere assolutamente chiaro su questo. Suppongo che la stretta di mano con i conoscenti vada bene (correggimi se sbaglio). Si dovrebbe fare lo stesso anche con gli estranei?
Strizza la mano con tutti quelli che incontri (supponendo che la pandemia sia finita, ovviamente). Abbassi solo un abbraccio se abbracciano (generalmente solo tra i buoni amici). Nessun bacio.
EDIT: poiché la maggior parte delle persone sta commentando cose come "Le donne sono umane". Fammi chiarire. A casa, le donne si sentono a disagio se offri una stretta di mano. Ecco perché lo chiedo qui, non voglio metterli a disagio.
EDIT 2: mi dispiace di averlo fatto Quello Per le donne 😭, odio la mia cultura ancora di più ora.
Is it okay to offer handshake to women?
byu/TryingToFindMyself01 ingermany
di TryingToFindMyself01
23 commenti
Yes. Women are human beings. Most people here shake hands when they meet for the first time. If you get to know them better, they might even offer a hug.
Don’t be weird about it, there’s nothing bad nor rude about extending your hand for a shake with women (I can’t believe I have to type this out).
Oh, it is easier than you think. Everytime you would offer a handshake to a man, offer it a woman 🙂
Women are equal to men, treat us like that.
[deleted]
Yes, do it in every situation in which you would shake a men’s hand. It’s that simple.
> I assume handshake with acquaintances is fine (correct me if I’m wrong). Should one do the same with strangers as well?
Absolutely fine. As a woman, I’d be offended if you shook all the guys hands but not mine. When you meet someone, it’s perfectly polite to go, “Hi, I’m [name]” and shake their hand. Younger people sometimes forego the handshake and instead do an awkward wave instead, but I’m all for brining back old fashioned etiquette. (Kidding. A bit.)
Its rude not to shake their hands
If you’d offer a handshake if the person were male, you can offer it to a woman as well. Before COVID I shook everyone’s hand, especially in a work setting. Now I only do when someone offers. That has nothing to do with gender though.
Yes, shake women’s hands. They may think you are a crazy misogynist if you only shake men’s hands. Hugs are different, let a woman initiate a hug. I find German young people hug constantly, even when meeting a friend of a friend for the first time, they often hug.
It’s quite rude in Germany to not shake hands with women when you do it with men.
If you are in a situation where handshakes happen you should shake hands with everyone.
I unlearned handshakes since covid. I don’t remember the last time I shook anyone’s hand. I do do those half hugs though
Shaking hands is not as common among young people in casual settings as it is in a business setting, but whatever you decide to do (handshake or wave) do it with all genders equally. Don’t make a difference, that’s weird.
You should shake women’s hands and should also do so before you shake any men in the same group. Be a gentleman. Ladies first
Handshaking is an important “ritual” in Germany. Important enough that refusing to shake the hand of woman is seen as a reason not grant citizenship. [Link](https://www.lto.de/recht/nachrichten/n/vgh-baden-wuerttemberg-12s629-19-keine-einburgerung-muslim-weigerung-handschlag-frau)
It is a sign of respect, cooperation and promise and because of that deeply ingrained in German culture.
Handshake deals are legally binding in Germany.
Gender shouldn’t play a role in your decision of whether or not you’re going to offer someone a handshake. Just keep in mind that shaking hands as a greeting has become less popular in some places since the pandemic.
If you shake the hand of the man, shake the hand of the woman as well.
It is however important to not “force” a handshake, especially in more casual settings. You may as well just look into the eyes, shake your head and smile a bit, acknowledging their existence. Not all women would be comfortable with shaking hands with people they don’t know.
Just one reason why people are reacting with some annoyance:
For us, the idea of not shaking women’s hands comes over as great disrespect.
There was a well-publicised case some years back where someone’s naturalisation was stopped after it had basically already gone through, because he refused to shake hands with the (female) public official handing over the official document. This was considered an indicator that he doesn’t accept societal values, and a higher court confirmed that it was a valid reason to deny citizenship.
In a setting in which shaking hands is the procedure, it would be seen as incredibly rude and misogynistic to NOT offer a handshake to women. So it is not only okay to do so, but a requirement in German society.
Generally, you treat people of all genders the same.
Giving a woman a handshake is no different from giving a man a handshake. It is even be considered rude not to do it. For context, read [what recently happened in Syria](https://www.politico.eu/article/syria-germany-annalena-baerbock-handshake-france-barrot-no-surprise/) with our (female) foreign minister. To me as a woman, it is fully unacceptable.
This is really backwards shit.
This all being said, it really depends on circumstances if you shake hands or not. Social gatherings with young people – probably no. Some people hug or give kisses to close friends. Business or formal gatherings, yes. Just pay attention to how other people greet each other.
Hey,
A woman here: it’s totally okay to shake my hand. It’s perhaps a little “stiff” and overly official (if it’s happening in a private context), but still okay (if it’s the first or second time we’re seeing us). I don’t think it’s rude (most german women think so i assume 😄).
Treat women exactly the same way you treat men and everything will be fine.
First shake all the women’s hands then the men’s
, that’s considered polite
Ah, young man. I have seen many such cases with individuals from Saudi, Egypt, or India simply feeling confused when greeting the opposite gender. Do note that it is completely fine and acceptable. On the contrary, if you were to withhold a handshake or a hug with a woman in a situation where you would not with a man, it might be taken as slightly offensive. But as Germans we understand that people come from many cultures and backgrounds, so it is not going to be a matter of any major contention.
>Since being here, I have been mostly spending time with guys just from my community. A couple months back, I stopped hanging out with them and started going to social clubs to make German friends and learn the culture and become part of it.
>I have decided to completely abandon my culture (since I become an atheist).
You say this so casually but this is the single most difficult phase I went through in Germany. I had to let go of what I know and try to fit in where everyone else around me thinks of me a certain way and do that much extra to show them that I am trying to integrate myself. The transition phase was hell, abandoned by what I knew and not yet accepted by what I wish to be around more. It took a painful year of going through this transition – alongside a breakup and lots of rejections – but I came on the other side a much stronger version of myself.
This is the single most beautiful thing you have done for yourself in this beautiful country full of beautiful people from all over the planet. By showing your commitment to the secularity and local norms, you not only put the locals at ease, but also everyone else around you.
Trust the process, and keep learning – and stay as bold and confident as you are! It is very brave what you did.